Conflict Management In The Church

Conflict is a big problem in everyday life, especially in church. Sometimes it can cause a family to leave the congregation or even cause a pastor to quit.

From personal experience, I know how hard dealing with conflict in church can really be. Every week you do the same thing, go to church on Sunday, go to church on Wednesday, come to an event. It becomes repetitive, and you become bored. But then someone decides to get rude with you, you shove that hurt down and keep going. But what do you do when it continues to happen? That person becomes mean and even starts pinning people against you. You must remember that grown-ups too, sometimes act childish. Sometimes it's not just children that must be reprimanded.

But you are about to lose it and you find yourself with an ultimatum. Continue on with biting your tongue until one day you blow up on that individual and you look like the bad guy. Or leave the church, after all they don't want you there anyway.  Many times me and my family are faced with the same decision. And for about 6 years we stayed at that church, the church where you feel unwelcome, unloved, hated. They refused to speak to us and when they would we would feel like we are the dumbest person ever. Although we felt that way, we stayed. We stayed because we know God has a bigger plan than what these people think. We stayed because we know God's got this and this is something we must learn from.

The Bible has a few things to say about conflict:

"Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him." -Luke 17:3

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another." -John 13:34

"There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, But the tongue of the wise brings healing." -Proverbs 12:18

"Never pay back evil for evil to anyone Respect what is right in the sight of all men." -Romans 12:17

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger." -Proverbs 15:1

"This you know, my beloved brethren But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger" -James 1:19

"Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear." -Ephesians 4:29

Although many people don't think so there are ways to handle conflict biblically. Matthew 18:15-17 says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."

Which means come to your fellow Christian and explain why you are upset. Sometimes they will understand their wrongs and apologize. If not take someone else, someone acting as a mediator. If all else fails bring them to the pastor and explain whats wrong. Maybe the pastor will have a way to settle your differences. Sometimes we feel alone when conflict arises, but we have to remember that God is there and He has a bigger plan than what anyone can see or even imagine. He has a plan for all the pain and struggles you are facing. And his word has instructions on how to handle it.